A Whole New Approach to Blogging!

Hi Everyone....I can't believe that I have neglected by blog for so long! Well, I have decided to take a different approach to blogging. After all, the original idea for web logging was to be able to "journal" through a whole new different way.

I has go back and read by blogs...I realized I did not really shared by innermost thoughts and how I really felt on that day the I was writing. I'm going to take a whole new approach on this and treat as an actual journal..as if I was writing it in the quiet of my room! Thank you Jules (my cousin) for giving me the inspiration to start blogging like she does. She is not afraid to pour out her heart...not afraid to say what she thinks. She just writes as if she is writing her life story!

I am tired of reading "sugary" blogs where life is blissful...everything is going great...blah...blah...blah... It's gets old after a while! Don't be shock people, I'm happy when I read those blogs but I tend to wonder, how blissful is it really?.....Yes, I am a Christian, lover of my Lord Jesus Christ, who is my all, but I'm also human and I do faulter, I do stumble...but the beauty of it is that Jesus still loves me and picks me up with his ever so loving, gentle hand and tells me, "I love you and I died for you...come and rest in my arms." (I am already feeling better writing this way....liberating!!!!!)

I am every so grateful for the wonderful life God has given me. Nothing, nothing that I have that is good or possess..... do I in any way deserve it!!!! I have been pondering on this for soooo long! I don't know if it's because my children are no longer babies....or maybe I reach the "pre-menopausal stage", but I have been doing so much soul searching for the last year and half!

Since October of 2007, my husband and I made the decision to accept the challenge of becoming interim youth pastor at our local church. Boy, we did not know the ride and adventure we were about to take. Grant it....this was our expertise being that we had done it for 12 years down in Bridgeport. During this process, we went through so many challenges....good and bad! First of all, working with the youth is the best experience anybody can have. It doesn't cease to amaze me how many people do not want to work with the youth because they don't want to deal with "attitudes, raging hormones, I'm saved...now I'm not...ect..." They forget that they once were in the place....fighting the enemy of this world with very little weaponsin your hands. What a reward it is to help equip these young people to go out into their schools, jobs with spiritual weapons to combat the enemy who is waiting for them at every corner. David and I have had the priviledge to see our former youth from Bridgeport grow into wonderful men and woman of God. We've had the honor of married some, becoming godparents to their children.....see them thrive in their ministry....and the best reward of all...them saying "if it were not for your caring for and loving me and not giving upon on me....I will not be serving the Lord today." Wow....Wow....the Spirit leaps in me when I hear these words because I know that our works was not in vain. Since being on Facebook for over a year....I've had the blessing of coming in contact with a lot of them. I have been moved to tears as a lot of them have written saying....."I will never forget the study you did on Ruth....till this day I have not heard a study in my life that equals to that....that study change my life forever and Ruth is my favorite book now" or hearing "you don't know how much the impact you had in my life.....because of you, letting yourself be lead by God and being an example....I made a decision to follow Christ." And my favorite, "you never knew this.....but I looked up to you so much....I wanted to immulate you....I want to be the servant of Christ that I saw all the time praising the Lord with hands lifted up and crying to your savior...knowing that the tears were of joy because you loved God soooo much. I saw it in you're eyes...in your actions....in the way you loved....in the way you put God first above everything. I was watching every step of the way. Your dedication and your commitment were so real and you never let me down by turning your back on God.....what I saw was real and that's why I decided to follow the same path." OH PRAISE THE LIVING GOD......MY GOD IS SO GOOD...ALL GLORY AND HONOR IS HIS.....HIS MERCY IS THE ONE WHO SAVES! (sorry...am crying and praising the Lord.....because when these messages came to me I cried for days). Who knew that 10, 15, 20 years later I was going to hear testimonies that I, in a small way, impacted a life with just living my life for Christ and not being hypocritical about it!!!! Yes, people are watching.....little ones are watching.....young people are watching our every move to see if we are the "real thing" or just going through the motions and serving God only on Sundays.

I am going somewhere with this because.....in the last 2 years...I have been the one watching and seeing how people who profess the Lord as Savior.....not living according to what they are confessing. It is so scary to watch how people disregard the Laws of the Lord so blatantly and yet can still continue to preach, sing, teach.....as if nothing is wrong. I know that we are not perfect and we will not be perfect until we reach heaven. But God has challenged us to "strive for perfection while we are here on this earth." In other words, be careful not to shame my name....strive to be a better person. Try not to fall into sin....try not to "open the door" when sin comes knocking. Read your word, pray without ceasing, worship Him in His sanctuary......in Spirit and in Truth!!!!!.

As David and I started our journing here as youth pastors, we didn't realize the oppossion we were going to encounter and the viciousness, jelousy, self-serving spirits, vindictive ways that we're going to attacks straight in the gut....never mind in the back!!! I cannot believe how many think that they "could have done the job and why wasnt I asked" attitudes. Also, "how do they put a woman in charge over me." Mind you....I'm not talking about the young people (although their were some....but very few.), I'm talking about Leaders, adults, mature christians...etc...etc... It left in me a big gaping whole because friendship to me is so valuable! So you're going to stop being my friend....because you can't handle you're "friend changing roles to Pastorship." The immaturing level astounded me...because of the number of years these leaders have been serving the Lord. I thank God that if were not for the backing of my Senior Pastor and some in the pastoral and CORE staff, we don't know what we would have done.

I know people have a lot of misconceptions about me.....but those who do, do not know me at all. They might think they know me....but they don't. This is one thing that frustrates my husband the most. There are people who know what makes me tick and what gets me going! They get me.....but a lot don't. I have books many of them about stronged willed women. I come from a lineage...both paternal and maternal, of strong willed woman. Woman who have had to fight in this mans world for their family. My paternal grandmother was married to pastor with 3 children and one on the way when she lost her husband. She was legally blind (no money to operate her eyes so she can see again), pregant with her fourth. It still doesn's cease to amaze me how she found the strength to continue with her faith in God and raised 4 God Fearing ministers for Christ.....all by herself (she became a widow in 1934). Unheard of woman raising children on their own. My maternal grandmother gave birth to 7 children in a shack in Puerto Rico and had a husband who cheated on her serval times. By the time my youngest aunt was a year old she finally told him to get out of her life! She continue to raise her children, she went to work as a seamstress to support her family and never remarried again. She rely solely on her faith in God that God was not going to forsake her! These wonderful woman of God have become my insipiration. I mean, here I am, married with a wonderful, awesome husband and two wonderful children and sometimes and I don't how I do it! I just start thinking about my grandmothers and I feel strength pour through like I never knew I had. A strong will...a will not nobody can take from me.

I once asked God to take it from me.....because of the "stigma" that came along with it! And I still clearly remember His words to me...."Do not ask to take away what I have given to you as a gift...I am prunning you, I am preparing you, I use you to tell the truth because my Word you have written in you're heart....be strong and have courage....what prophet in the Bible was loved? The people do not light to hear that they are not living according to my Word. Just remember I love you and I made you for a specific purpose....." Never, never will I forget those words. I still sometimes tell God....send someone else...I'm tired of not being liked or being thought of this way.....or that way, but He won't let go.

I still have so much more to share.........but I'm going to have to comeback. It's 5:00 a.m on Saturday morning and I'm suppose to be at my class to give the final exam by 10:00 a.m. Oy vey....Lord help!

I'll be back....